coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
