Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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