I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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