Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
