I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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