Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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