can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
