God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
