I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
