I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
