i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
