The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
