Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
