if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
