Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I AM VODKA MAN
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
