she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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