I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Farmville is her only friend.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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