He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
