Just cropdusted the office
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
