you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
