are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
