Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
