There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize