Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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