I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
he laminated a picture of his dick.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Blow job season was short but glorious.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
