I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I cannot find my penis.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
