What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
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To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
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he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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