I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
