she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Come share oat with me in your robe
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
