You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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