Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
