just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
