I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
