No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
