They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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