I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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