Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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