i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
