I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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