you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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