Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
