Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
