my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
