they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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