and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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