I think I am morally bankrupt
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
