I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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