Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize