i'm signing you up for texting rehab
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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