my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Come see our sink grown plant.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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