he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
