So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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