remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
