yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
