I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
