Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
