Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
