Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
