she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
