he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
