He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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