its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
