i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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