And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
