Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
last night I used snow as a chaser
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
