Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
