Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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