Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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