I wish I could teleport
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
