I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
