I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
