it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
