I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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