Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
