I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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