I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
im calling her cock vulture from now on
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
